What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?—Leonard Hofstadter
Edward was utterly and completely—screwed.
Who was the woman staring at him from across the hall inside a room that was supposed to be empty? Why was she there? Did she sleepwalk? Did she break in? Was she an escape mental patient?
“Um.” She proceeded to chew on a full bottom lip, doing things to Edward Cullen’s body that he had never really cared to feel before. “Hi?” She said taking a few steps closer so that she stood in the door frame. “I’m, um, Bella?”
Edward’s brow rose skeptically. “Are you sure?”
Taken aback, Bella blinked in confusion and crossed her arms. “Uh, yeah. I’m pretty sure I know my own name.”
“You said it as a question.” Edward squinted at her through his black framed glasses. “Indicating that you were unsure of what name to give to me. So I will ask you again, are you sure?”
“Yes.” She step outside of the bedroom and hissed at him angrily through gritted teeth.
With her close proximity, Edward began to feel his nose tingle and his eyes water and his breath sucking quickly into his lungs and—“Dog!” Edward wheezed just before a gut wrenching sneeze fest took over. “Dog!” He shouted and flew back against the wall with a red face.
“I’m sorry?” Bella’s eyes widened in horror. “A-are you calling me a dog?”
He hook his head. “No! Allergic—achoo!—to—achoo!—dog hair—aaachoo!”
“Oh.” Bella breathed in relief just before she shouted, “OOOOH!” and proceeded to pull off her baggy hoodie over her head to toss it far into the back of her potential bedroom. “I’m so sorry! My friend who I’m staying with has a dog.”
“S’fine.” Edward forced a smile as he struggled to breathe past inflamed nostrils. “Dog allergies effect over ten percent of the population. It’s the f-f…” He raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose and push the frames of his glasses back into place. “The f-f-fu—achoo! The fur!”
Bella began to giggle behind a hand. “I’m sorry,” she apologized profusely as she struggled not to find humor in her possible new roommate’s current distress. But he was a total mess! His hair seemed to have a mind of its own and stood in all sorts of random directions atop his head.
Finally managing to bring himself back under control, Edward stared back at the fair skinned creature across from him. “Hi.”
Her lips slowly pulled back into a shy smile. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He blurted back, suddenly feeling a wave of anxiety overtake him.
Her brow quirked. “Hi.”
His mouth opened to repeat the dreaded two letter word once more when he paused and thought better of it. He was a highly educated young male whose research spanned particle cosmology and studied the interplay between particle physics and cosmology during the early history of the Universe. Before the age of eighteen, Edward examined perturbative amplitudes in N=4 supersymmetric theories leading to a re-examination of the ultraviolet properties of multiloop N=8 supergravity using modern twistor theory. He was by all means—a genius.
And all he could could come up with in that moment was: hi?
No. That would just not do.
So Edward moved onto the next logical question that burned inside of his eidetic memory and mind of 187 IQ. Pushing his glasses up his nose, Edward said to the above average attractive individual in front of him, “Not to be rude, but… why are you in my house?”